Interesting Feedback

Got some mixed feedback yesterday on my job performance. The feedback largely aligns with my own evaluation of myself, though there were some points made that I think are unfair. 

The criticism, for the most part, is about the program not really moving forward and becoming more robust, which I think is largely accurate. If I'm being honest, the problem is that I haven't put too much thought into it over the last year. Of course, I've also been learning the job, so there is that. There are skills involved in this that I've developed during this last year that are much stronger than they were previously. During that period, as I've been learning the skills of this program, I've also been managing the day to day activities well enough. In fact, I'm quite strong on that aspect of things. I do well at managing meetings, working with people, communicating, negotiating, and general responsiveness. These are all aspects of my job that align really well with my strengths. Where I have trouble is putting together this larger program that is more robust and encompassing in such a way that it improves the way that people in our org go about their daily business. 

There are a few parts of this criticism that I think are unfair. First, I can't make other people do their jobs correctly. I can't force the service managers I work with to be strong service managers. I can't force them to engage the right stakeholders in their projects. I can't solve the problem that the groups in this organization don't talk to one another. Second, I'm pretty busy with my day to day work. Between the main thing and this other work that I do with A, and various ad-hoc projects that get thrown at me like Telemetry or setting up a Test Pass group or supportability, my day is reasonably full. It's not like I'm sitting around doing nothing all day long. Also, all of these smaller things they give me add up and divert my attention. Hopefully I'm not just whining about this. Third and last, I'm all alone here. It's just me. I don't have a team. I don't have resources. I'm a vendor working with Full Time Employees, which can be pretty isolating. 

As an aside, I should mention that I would like to get a new job. But that isn't just about this feedback that I received yesterday because, as I said up above, the criticism is largely legitimate. Basically, this is S telling me that he is an unsatisfied customer. So, what do I do about that? Do I just crumple under the pressure and let myself get fired, or do I rise to the occasion and actually create this program the way that he and I both know that I can? The prize, if I can get that done, will be something much better six months from now. If I can do this the way that I think it needs to be done, then that will be a learning and growth experience that will make me a better PM and leader, and an accomplishment that I can hang my hat on.