Update for the new year - job, depression, and other personal matters

It's good that I keep this journal and periodically update it so that I can see my thoughts from the previous posts over the last year. This is turning out to be useful in self-examination.

I'm just going to write my thoughts out in list form. It's sometimes easier to do that.

1. I've been pretty overwhelmed the last few months at work and there's no real hope of it getting better. I have to change this dynamic and get a new job of some kind.
2. I've had some contacts from recruiters looking to fill positions. Luke, from that other contracting company, reached out to me again the other day. It looks like they have some sort of Release Manager position opening up. Now, what I talked with them about before was a Program Manager role, which as it turned out I wasn't an ideal fit for. I agreed with them on that once I understood what they were looking for. But, I also had a great conversation with them about moving into a Service Manager role, which I still think would be ideal. But Release Management would be fine as well and hopefully I can move into a Service Manager slot later on. So, I'm waiting to hear on that. I also had a recruiter contact me from another company that I've interviewed with in the past, and I'm waiting to hear back from her. There are one or two other things happening as well.
3. The black hole of depression seems to come and go in waves. It's worst at work. Even now, while I'm writing this, I have something like 5 or 6 pending tasks waiting for me, each one loaded with ambiguity. Luckily, I have this stuff written down. It really is pretty miserable though.
4. I've been missing my workouts like crazy and it gets harder and harder to get back into it. I'm burning through my monthly fees, wasting all that money, which feels like shit. My Mom would have a heart attack if she knew how much money I'm wasting.
5. My Grandmother died the other day. Grandpa died about 3 years ago and she'd just been sort of hanging on ever since. I didn't go to the funeral, but my Dad did.
6. My Dad texted me at Christmas but I didn't text him back or call him, which is kind of a dick move on my part.
7. I have a cat finally. Her name is Lilly. It's nice to have something else living in that apartment with me. I feel less depressed when I'm there than I did in the past.
8. All the work and late nights the last few months, while not much has been given back in the way of positive reinforcement from S, something that has happened is that I've gotten a lot more confident in my skills.
9. On the lack of positive reinforcement: as a matter of self-awareness, it's become obvious that this is a big problem for me. I can't help it. It's not like S is an asshole or anything, because he's actually a pretty decent guy. But quite literally, I'm not sure he's ever said an encouraging word. Actually, he probably has. But the point is that it's so infrequent that I can't recall the last time it happened. Other people around here have said nice things to me from time to time, but I don't know the last time he did. I feel like a stupid girl writing that down, but the reality I suppose is that I'm human, which is what I meant by saying that this is a matter of self-awareness. I have a feeling he's going to be pretty unhappy when I eventually leave.
10. I suspect that one reason I'm not trying harder to get a new job is because I'm comfortable in my misery.
11. I think I may be wired to simply always be unhappy in my job.  

Having written all of the above, I feel a tiny bit better, but not a lot. For my next journal entry, I need to focus on some sort of plan to improve my happiness level and give myself something to look forward to.